I have my own domain!!

From today onwards, this blog will be shifted to

www.bargerbarger.com/personal

yes, it's true that i don't update often.... but i'm motivated from NOW on!!

So i hope you all will keep updated with my life..... i won't update this blog from now... but all the old entries have been transfered to the other website as well

Winter’s here

Winter has finally arrived. I woke up the other and was greeted with a white blanket covering the whole city.

I told you I stayed in a village didn't I?

The winter comes pretty early this year. Funny that everyone was talking about global warming during the relatively warm winter in Europe last year. No one seems to be mentioning it this time around.

Well, it was a really cold winter in the States last year though. And they're having a pretty warm winter this year. The last time I checked, New York is still having an average temperature of 16°C. So they must be worrying about the effects of global warming now.

That's psychology I guess. You only noticed what's happening in front of your eyes.

The truth is, you can't really feel a global warming, and the worst prediction is a rise of 5°C in the span of 100 years. That's not a lot, isn't it? That only means loads and loads of melted ice….

Well, why am I babbling about this? It's not that you can feel anything in Malaysia……. :P

PhD ?

A week ago I was talking to a friend in Malaysia, who is currently being posted overseas by Shell. I was telling him about my decision to further my studies in the States (if it’s possible) and he was telling me about his plans with the company. He told me that studying is no longer a thing for him and he wants to be a manager eventually. He also said PhDs are for academics and he’s more into the industry. I disagree with that last point and we talked about it a little bit.

The doubt that I had came back to me. I have the intention to be in the industry eventually, after I complete my studies but I wonder whether a PhD degree was suitable for that. I felt better after knowing that quite some people do hold PhD, esp. managers in Germany. And there are examples in the States as well like Jack Welch, who holds a PhD in chemical engineering. I mention him because I read his book.

But logic doesn’t always drive away doubt.

Another thing I felt while talking to my friend was the need to prove myself. Not that it’s the first time; ego has always been one of my traits. But it was different that I’m not proving my ability but that the PhD path is just as good as any other path.

But it was hard because I was still struggling about it. There are so many arguments against the PhD way. Financial rewards for example. Studying PhD and staying in the academics world usually also means a mediocre salary, when compared to working in the industry and eventually in the management field. The fact that there is a lack of engineers in Europe at the moment only makes it worse. New engineers are getting about 3500€ to 4500€ (and rising) per month as starting salaries nowadays.

Another thing is the lifestyle, to imagine someone “cool” in the academic world will probably require you to stretch your imagination. More often they are being portrayed as boring, nerdy people, constantly dealing with equations and staying in lab whole day long. What a life!

That being said, I still want to do it, and stubbornly so.

I want to do it because I think I can get the best of both worlds. I want to get adequate theories and understanding before going into the industry. I want to eventually be an expert consultant in my field. I believe it’s possible to compensate the lack of experience in the beginning with the right attitude and great ideas. I even see it as a strong possibility to be a manager or own a consultant firm in the future.

I want to do it because I simply want to experience the life another country and the campus life before stepping into the working world. Having the privilege to study in Germany, I want to do it in the States. Having understood why “Made in Germany” was and is so respected, I want to know as well why the States are the world’s power generator of ideas.

I want to do it because heck, I just love studying. I used to deny it, afraid of being called a nerd. But I do, and I can! I just love having all the information in my head. This might sound weird to some of you, I feel the joy and even ecstasy when I discover a good book, a good website or simply a good source of information.

Maybe I’m just exaggerating the whole issue. My point is simply, pursuing a PhD is not a bad thing after all, both financially and mentally. Since I can do it, why not?

Having said all that, there’s another 2 years before I get my degree. I guess I’m just the type who worries too much and die early……

This post, more than anything, is a post to convince myself. Assuming I’m like most of the people, the psychology is an interesting thing. By convincing others, you feel more convinced yourself.

updates

Looking at my blog, it’s again another month since i last updated. Was talking to a friend that day and she asked me why I didn’t update. I don’t know myself. It used to be that I have lots of thoughts in my mind that I want to jot down. The problem was always I didn’t take out the time to jot it down.

It’s different this time. I just don’t know what to write, even if I have the time.

This is not a good sign. The times when I have lots of thought in my mind were the times where I was most productive, when I was doing and experiencing a lot of things. Just a look at my life for the past month confirms that. After spending the whole month of August playing computer games, I was slightly more productive in September, and in this month, I fell into another trap, the movie watching trap.

Heroes, Prison Break, Bionic Woman, Smallville, Some 95-episode anime and a few Taiwanese programmes, how was it possible for me to have time to even think?

I was even telling my parents that day not to watch those hong kong series every night…..

Well, I’m currently in my practical semester, which means that I won’t have any lectures or exams. For most of the people, it means a time to enjoy and relax as well.

But after wasting so much of my time, it’s really not a good way to live. Aren’t they better things to do? Tons of them. I have loads of books to read, another study project to prepare, people that I should meet, friends that I should stay in contact with…..

So the resolution of the month? Buck up!

Thoughts

Facebook has been becoming more popular among Malaysians since few months ago. I've been receiving invitation pretty regularly.

Not that I'm popular. Everyone who invited me into their friends' list is already on my Friendster's friends' list. Well, why Facebook now? Apparently it's the next "in" thing after Friendster, Tag, Friendsearch and all sorts of network based websites.

So it's facebook now, but it'll soon be something else. Just like it was ICQ, then Yahoo then MSN now.

Frankly, I'm not fascinated nor caught in this thing. Logging in Friendster is probably a monthly event. And having to delete those daily Friendster update mails about whose birthdays and who has updated their blogs is plain irritating (Yes, I can unsubscribe but once in a while, those reminders are useful!).

I'm rather fascinated by this phenomenon of people communicating and staying in touch through internet. It shows the tendency of people preferring these "low-intensity" communications. "Low-intensity" simply means that you don't to reply at once, like in a telephone conversation, but you can do it slowly, and if you don't like it, jst a "gtg" will do.

Well, I still prefer the "high-intensity" communication; it means that I'm still a man with passion inside… 

P/S: I'm fascinated by those few college guys who invented Facebook, and its market value is around $80Million, even before they're floated. Heck.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I watched quite a bit of singing competition in Taiwan through YouTube nowadays. I realized one thing: 95% of all songs are about love.

And heck, only those "you-don't-love-me-no-more", "I-love-you-but-I'll-let-you-go" songs sound good.

We all need love, don't we?

Dentist Visit

I experienced some pain at one of my tooth last week, so I went to the dentist.

After poking and checking, even after a x-ray scan, he couldn't find any problem with my tooth.

Finally, maybe out of frustration, he said, "with your tooth like that, I cannot do anything!"

Hmm… sounded a bit sarcastic…

Updates

Taking a look at my blog, it has almost been another month since my last update. Due to some technical prob, even my blog is cacat... I guess I should do some update. But even right now, i don't really know what to write. Maybe i think not many people are checking out my blog. Those who do check, i usually call quite often anyway. Maybe i think i'm too old to write a blog now, there don't seem to be anyone my age who's blogging regularly.

But it's not that i don't have anything to blog. Often times i have some thoughts in my mind to jot down, but just didn't find the time or motivation to really jot it down. Sometimes, I just feel tired after work and i rather just spend the evening doing nothing involving the brain, such as going to gym or surfing the net, which can last for hours.

But when i do sit down, i do have something to talk about, whether just my life or my thoughts. That's the name of my blog, if anyone still notice... life, thoughts and me!

Talking about gym, i'm going there 3 times a week now. I've decided to pay the 50€ monthly fee because i really found it helpful. I can skip jogging or swimming whenever i want. When i've paid the fee, i just can't skip any sessions. By the way, this added motivation is starting to bear fruits in the form of Abs, about 6 of them, to be exact. haha...

Something that has been occupying my mind for the past month is also my future. I'm thinking about furthering my studies in the States as a PhD, which is what eddy and king fu are doing, by the way. Though there's still 2 years till my graduation, the application process
can take more than a year.

And there's so much to think about. From "Should i do it?","Am i suitable, do i want it?" to "Finance?" to "which school?" and so on. I've not done any intense research about it yet, but the prospect of going into good schools has not been very encouraging. They seem to expect students from good schools and an almost perfect grades, which i don't possess. Not that i don't have any tricks and skills in my pocket, but taking it out and showing them on paper can be
hard.

Taking this route will also mean that i'll have to postpone my career for another half a decade. I'm still wondering whether it's worth it or not. Another side of mine tells myself, if i can go that
far, why not?

So this issue has been in mind for the past month.

Yesterday, as i'm reading the purpose driven life (again), i came across this passage of surrendering and it convicted me. I just don't realise how much i've been relying on my own strength that i've been shutting out the source for some time.

It's gonna take some time to build this relationship and reliance on Him again. But i'll try.

And ya, for those who still remember my slight accident with the van two months ago, the bill just came. It's 842€ in total. Bang!

And my girlfriend just got her scholarship for Masters in germany. So i guess that took away some of the pain.

Money issues suck... You can serve two Masters, you just can't. I really should draw myself closer to God.